


Poems for Hildacember

by Kithara17



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Alternate Universe - Wrestling, Biting, Blood, But Flayn is resurrected later at least, But also some AUs, Canon Compliant, Day 19 - 25 is Angst Week, Dimitri and Edelgard and Flayn all die, During which there is Major and Minor Character Death, F/F, Gen, Graphic Description of Corpses, Graphic Violence, Oblique reference to Twi'lek slavery, She's trans the whole time I forgot to mention that, Trans Hilda Valentine Goneril, White Clouds and Verdant Wind, there is a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 31
Words: 2,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29169606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kithara17/pseuds/Kithara17
Summary: December 2020 is Hildacember! And every day I wrote a poem, in varying styles and meters. Some are AUs, some are set in canon. Most are non-serious and fun, but there are a few that are violent and/or angsty. You can read them in their original form (in color and fun fonts) here: https://twitter.com/i/moments/1356822322045403138
Relationships: Flayn/Hilda Valentine Goneril
Comments: 5
Kudos: 2





	1. Winter

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday Alois!

The wolves withdraw  
Ethereal  
No frost so cold as this  
Which ‘neath this moon makes hard the leaves on Fódlan’s Throat.  
On days like these, I wish I had the wool to knit for Her a scarf.

That was for you, Alois.


	2. Magic

There is a special kind of satisfaction  
In killing from out of sight  
In the flash, then silence, then sound  
In my fingertips, a crackling  
Like wood crackles on a snowy night  
Like snow crackles on a frosty morning

But then again  
Of late the tingling in my fingers tickles up my  
Little arms; my hair revolts  
That took me hours.  
I’m sick of it.  
No, I think I’m  
Gonna stick to axes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's an acrostic in this one.


	3. Working

Oh come on, Professor, just give me a rest  
And for every task, pick only the best.

Marianne is more gentle, Leonie more tough  
And I’m pretty strong but Raphael is more buff

Claude and Lysithea are both much more smart  
And I might be crafty but Ignatz makes Art.

Flayn is an angel, far nicer than me,  
Though I might rival Lorenz with my poetry

It’s not that I’m lazy, but why should I do  
What someone else can, and much better, too?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rhyming couplets!


	4. Animals

I don’t love responsibility  
But it’s pretty nice having someone look up to you  
Who needs your care and attention.

Hard scales, eyes soft as a golden deer’s  
Eyes that plead “scratch”  
So, I scratch  
Under her chin  
Above her eyes  
Behind her antlers,  
And she  
Just  
Dissolves.

I used to hope she would do all the work, carrying me,  
But for once, I think I will do the pampering.


	5. Coffee

I like my coffee how I like my women  
Hot milky  
That’s the poem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I published this on Twitter, it was styled as a school assignment with an F from Hanneman and an A from Manuela.


	6. Green

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where it starts to get Flilda-y

No secrets;  
I breathe pink, or pink ran me over.  
But lately I feel a different color  
When the fist in my chest clenches  
What rushes to my cheeks is green.  
I blush green,  
When my thoughts clap an unsteady cadence  
Late at night, banging pots and pans,  
Green smothers me to sleep at last,  
Me a pastel trophy on its wall,  
Me a stain  
On the cobble by the fishing pond  
Next to the greenhouse wherein  
The varied hues taunt me, making  
A joke of my lipstick-red brain,  
Split in two.  
And when green smiles at me,  
Her hair bouncing with the  
Motion of her chin, just then  
I swallow the lump in my throat  
And smile back.


	7. Talent

I am not untalented, I’ve said it before  
But my brother, the perfect fool,  
Talent revolves around him.

In battle, he is a desert;  
In peace, a gleaming star;  
He brings swift news from the Locket  
And the hall is a storm of joy.  
He protects my future, surrounds it,  
Peerless as the sky with his skill,  
His jocularity the surface of a wellspring of wisdom.

In the face of all this,  
Why should I be the center of his world?  
Of anyone’s? He answers:  
His brilliance is only the reflection of mine,  
Which cannot be looked at directly,  
But lets others share in itself.

Those are his words, not mine;  
But, since he’s so very wise,  
Maybe you should listen.  
And maybe so should I.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Count all the references to composer Gustav Holst, if you get the number right I will give you a high five


	8. Dance

Dances in Fódlan are stuffy and  
Stiff, like a dress that’s too tight, or a  
Room that’s too small for a Goneril.

Waltz back and forth, as he steps on my  
Toes and makes terrible small talk but  
Creepily doesn’t make eye contact.

That isn’t to say that I don’t love to dance,  
But a dance should be cute, free, and flexible.  
It’s a powerful mode of expressiveness;  
Some feelings can’t be conveyed except  
By shaking my ass in just the right way.

So enough of the waltzes,  
Cancel the White Heron Cup  
If it means I can choreograph  
Something fun, something flirty,  
Something worthy of me cutting loose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footloose, kick off your Sunday shoes  
> Ooee, Mari, shake it, shake it for me.


	9. Sweet

Dilemma. Imagine: it’s hanami season,  
And you’re sharing a dango skewer.  
What is there to do for two great friends  
When three pieces become two fewer?

Another dilemma: an ice cream date.  
And she gets peppermint on her face.  
You could grab a napkin and wipe it off  
But a shame to let it all go to waste.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Flilda


	10. War, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parts titled "War" involve the main plot of Three Houses, beginning with this one, taking place at the end of Part 1. This one isn't graphic, but the other parts are.

Only the beginning,  
What seemed like an ending.  
War wormed closer each moon. Of all people, Edelgard?

Who, above all, was like  
A bed: warm, inviting,  
But you wouldn’t want one to fall on you from the sky.

She, gentle with fury,  
Kind to friends, to foes, death;  
Perhaps a fool would think she is Justice in the flesh.

Well. Not likely, that. No:  
To me, at least, this War  
Is a great woman falling from so very high up.


	11. Modern

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Modern AU! Heads up, she nearly hits a deer with her car (but does not!)

A rural town like mine in many ways  
Is perfect for me;  
There’s nothing to do, so I do nothing.  
On the other hand,  
I wish I could go to shows more often  
But I hate driving  
And the closest venues are hours away  
Except for local acts  
Which are great but like, I can only  
Take so much of them.  
Every so often I just suck it up and  
Go for a long drive.  
And the show will be great, of course  
But a four-band bill?  
I’m driving home late at 1am and  
I see deer, watching,  
And hopefully not jumping out but  
Like, if one did then  
I guess I’m just dead? RIP Hilda.  
Hasn’t happened yet  
But there’s always next time. Anyways  
That’s why driving sucks.


	12. Spy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, Bernadetta!

How do you plan a surprise party for  
The most paranoid person out there?

The first part is easy: you need a disguise,  
One that’s stealthy, with not too much flair.

It’s harder to get them out of their room  
Without making the person aware,

In my case I asked her to help me  
With embroidering some holiday wear.

During that time, the rest of the party  
Had to sneak carefully all the way there.

Hardest of all, though, is saying “surprise!”  
Without giving her too much of a scare.

But for all your fearful timidness,  
We love you, Bernie Bear!


	13. Princess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hilclaude ish? I mean, she's thinking about it but whoops she's gay

How to say this tactfully?  
I could be a princess,  
But for my, my, my I don’t know what.  
What stands between myself and him?

Not for my status;  
If anything, the opposite.  
A dispassionate mover of pieces on a board  
Would surely put us together.

Not least for my charm;  
He thinks himself immune,  
Which makes him even easier to affect,  
Not as detached as stone, nor hard.

Nor at all for my want;  
To be pampered, a dream,  
I could do only what I am moved to do,  
The rest leave to others.

But for something, still.  
Perhaps the same something  
likewise impedes him. Perhaps,  
He might say what I cannot.


	14. Vampire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vampire AU! and that means blood/biting mentions

Count the times I’ve feasted,  
Count, too, the feasts.  
You can number them by the voices  
Singing at night.

Never a meal so pretty as this,  
Yet, something strange…  
Mirabile dictu! This blood  
Is exquisite!

The flavor, so sweet, even minty,  
Like icèd cream!  
The texture, like cotton candy,  
Melts in my mouth.

No human blood, but something else,  
Wondrous to see.  
This tender one just might be  
My favorite!


	15. Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Actress AU!

A wonderful thing, to wear a mask.  
I am who I need to be,  
And, as if putting on socks,  
On my left foot, Self  
On my right, a Face,  
Both new:  
Fresh from the warmth and the dryer.

A fabulous thing to wear, a mask.  
But what of the face beneath?  
No, not that one,  
Beneath that too,  
The very bottommost face,  
Which I wore on my birthday,  
Never to be seen again.  
When you bury one face beneath another,  
You become what you pretend to be.  
It’s uh,  
Kinda sad.


	16. Space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Star Wars AU! There are some oblique references to Twi'lek slavery.

They say the galaxy is much bigger  
Than even the Outer Rim.  
I wonder, are there systems where  
Nothing is overhead but sky?

Ryloth is the edge of a sabre,  
And a Twi’lek must balance.  
More hangs above our heads  
Than a canopy or a blockade.

It really is a tough system  
For sensitive gals like me.  
But the galaxy isn’t kind  
To offworld Twi’leks, either.

Such is the burden, the weight  
That presses ever down. But  
Even such weight is bearable;  
Even lekku can be tattooed.


	17. Sea

Patience.  
.  
..  
...  
!!

Her vacant smile explodes.  
In its crater, now a grimace;  
Its shrapnel pierces my  
Heart, destroyed by such euphoric ordnance.  
It beats its last  
While she strains with all her scrawny strength  
Now left,  
Right, then —

No tears:  
Just a tiny voice: “Darn.”  
Then another cast,  
And more patience.

All the while, I debate:  
Does the sight of her pouting,  
Bury me at last, or restore me to life?  
The answer swells in my throat  
Like a wave on the teeming plain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flilda hours


	18. Elements

Neither salt nor sand  
Nor doleful wind quench my heart,  
In which flame kindles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haiku :)


	19. Mythology

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the beginning of Angst Week. Implied Minor Character Death. This and the next 6 are pretty gruesome, violent, emotional, etc. Take care of yourselves.

Black cloud, grief, cover all that I am, polluting with dark dust  
Face, head, all of it, clothes too, which were once scented with perfumes.  
Throw my corpse, still alive, to the ground, to be closer to my love.  
Grief, go around the host of my camp so my family hears it.  
They should know how soon I will follow her into the shadow.  
Quickly, before I make my katabasis, I will become death,  
Ruin to that one who dared make me bereft of my partner,  
Or I will turn myself to a lioness, eating their raw flesh.  
Or instead I will lay here, until some deity moves me,  
Stretched in a large space, large, a feast for the dogs and the vultures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavily inspired/ adapted from Iliad 18.22-27, and by Christopher Logue's adaptation of the same lines in War Music. 
> 
> Note to self: never try to write in dactylic hexameter in English again.


	20. War, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major character death in this one. Happy birthday Dimitri, I guess? Sorry.
> 
> Also Tragedy of Duscur mention.

I saw Dimitri’s death.  
Ev’ry spear in his flesh  
Was a moment he said “not yet” and kept on fighting.

How many spears for me?  
How many times will I  
Scream my defiance and spit my teeth in their faces?

Hilda would have just quit  
Thrown up her dainty hands,  
But I am no more Hilda than that was Dimitri.

I now know how he felt.  
But unlike him, I won’t  
Die til I have given her one thousand Tragedies.


	21. Unhinged

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pro Wrestling AU!

Hilda Valentine needs no fans.  
“Hilda, Hilda!”  
To hell with them.  
If Edelgard is gonna bitch about being treated like the bad guy  
Well, let me be the bad guy.  
Let them cheer for her.  
Fans won’t raise my hand. You know who will?  
The official, who never saw my thumb in Edelgard’s eye.

Claude is a good person.  
Not me.  
I’ll be the person I need to be to win.  
And he’ll say “What happened?” “You’ve changed.”  
And I’ll choke him out too, the moment he stands in my way.

Ignatz? A pushover. So incompetent he’s barely worth manipulating.  
Mariannne is no better, but at least she can go wild sometimes.  
Raphael will be a jobber till his muscles start to sag.  
B+ player Leonie will never live up to her idol.  
Lysithea will be lucky to have 5 years left.  
Lorenz never earned a thing in his life.  
And my partner? She tried as hard as she could  
And she couldn’t pull  
Her own  
Dead  
Weight.

Back to Edelgard.  
A thumb in the eye.  
A belly-to-back.  
A count of three.  
One fall.  
And new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not the first one I wrote but it was the first one I thought of, the idea that started it all.


	22. Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decapitation mention

I always felt young,  
That there was a lot on my horizon.  
And part of that, a big part  
Was you, and us.  
But I will walk in circles  
For the rest of my life,  
As if a few more circles  
Are all I need to stand you up.

I will wear a rut on the beach,  
Circumambulating  
The same monument you once did,  
For a woman I never knew.  
And if the goddess gives me this,  
The rut will be ever deeper,  
As behind me is dragged  
The head, whose hands killed you.

Or else, the goddess grants  
A different wish, one I  
Just as earnestly desire.  
And I see you soon.  
We pass through  
Another, longer future  
Perhaps with fewer fish  
Or hopefully, perhaps not.


	23. Children

We always knew  
That I would be  
The first to die.  
That you would far  
Outlive me.

And when I did,  
–and yes, I will–  
I hoped my kids–  
I hoped that you  
Would raise them.

A selfish thought  
Perhaps, that you  
Should take them back  
And show them all  
My heirlooms.

But you are dead  
And soon, me too.  
And I don’t care.  
I have no past,  
No future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As evidenced by the last line, I originally wrote this for yesterday's prompt, then switched them around. I think they're the only 2 poems I wrote out of order all month.


	24. Mirror

In the midst, before the war  
That soon will see me killed, or  
Worse, will see me the victor,  
I reflect on life before. 

My reflection, whom I see  
Matching karmas, reaching we  
Touch, and through our hands, dirty,  
Understanding blooms in me.

Hilda, other Hilda, you  
Never met, and yet you knew  
Two of you were never two;  
Only this Hilda was true.


	25. War, Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More major character death and graphic violence: Edelgard dies this time. Sorry Eddy.

Claude. Claude I can’t do this  
Anymore. For five days  
I have not eaten, nor slept, fueled only by revenge.

But Edelgard is dead.  
A Freikugel-shaped hole  
In her left collarbone between the neck and shoulder.

I can’t eat yet. Not yet.  
If only I fuck up  
Her corpse a little more, it could bring Flayn back to me.

Claude, how did you hold on  
To your compassion? How  
Can I get back a thing that has been lost forever?


	26. Refresh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst week is over and Flayn is back!

I’ll spare you the details  
Let’s just say there was no shortage of blood.  
Balthie’s debts are repaid, one hundred times over.  
In the end, human bonds succeeded where revenge failed.  
Just as Claude said.

Not everything can be brought back.  
Not the feeling that there was time.  
At least for now there is so much to do.  
Relationships to rebuild; apologies to make;  
Gifts to give and oaths to swear.

A beach to walk along.  
And when my pores have had their fill of salt  
And my dainty feet are scratched  
From the sand and shells underfoot,  
Hilda could use a steaming.


	27. Experiment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday Seteth!

Illumination  
Not my comfort zone  
But a great opportunity for bonding.  
I was so scared of Seteth;  
He was hard to read,  
To be sure, but a total softie.  
He just needs little old me  
To help him lighten up.  
If it requires some industry from me,  
So be it.  
I guess big brothers are my weakness.


	28. Trust

When you make a big mistake,  
One so big your friends don’t know  
Quite who you are, it’s hard to  
Convince them it was a fluke.  
Lucky for me, “convincing”  
Is sorta my specialty.

Professor, Claude, all the Deer,  
I messed up: now I know just  
how not to mess up again.  
And dearest partner, I was  
Angry, not just at her, but  
At you. My rage was misplaced.

Going forward, I am asking,  
Could you stay at my side, and  
Watch, and ensure that I take  
Responsibility for  
Both myself and you, for the  
Rest of our lives, forever?


	29. Wedding

Word comes to Seteth.  
“Ms. Goneril and her attendants are leading her,  
Eyes glancing, from sacred Enbarr: Flayn,  
Graceful, with golden spirals and purple-smelling bands,  
And an innumerable dowry of silver and ivory vessels.”  
He leaps from his seat with the alacrity of a father,  
And news travels to all our loved ones.

Later, the attendants, escorting her to bed,  
Bid her to meet the beautiful bride. I say,  
“O beauty, O grace,  
Every praise heaped upon Cethleann suits you just as well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adapted from Sappho fr. 44 and fr. 108 (quoted in Himerius).


	30. Forever

“Everyone” is a lot of people;  
All the more impressive, then,  
To find those with whom you belong.  
Whatever “belong” means. So cliché.

“Forever” means something different  
To every person. That’s a lot of forevers.  
What are the odds that any two people  
Have matching forevers? It’s impossible.

But here’s another perspective:  
Even to both of us, whose forevers  
Are of different magnitudes entirely,  
No matter what, forever is a very long time.


	31. Afterwards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort of an endnote to the month as a whole, but it's written in the "War" meter so I think of it as closely connected to those 3 poems in particular.

“What seemed like an ending,  
Only the beginning.”  
I said something like that once, when I was much younger.

And the two of us, now,  
And other survivors,  
Are standing at, perhaps, the last beginning of all.

I’m going to try not  
Being so serious.  
“Hilda, serious? Since when?” I can hear you say. But:

Since the beginning, I   
Was much seriouser  
Than I wanted to admit to myself, wasn’t I?


End file.
